"Authentic Prayer Changes Us" -- St. Teresa of Avila

Last night at my first JustFaith meeting, the opening prayer included the title quote from St. Teresa of Avila.  What struck me about it, is how true that is.  And how the question following it, "Do you really wish to be turned into fire" is at the crux of the dilemma of the good life.

Do I truly want to be burned and melted and transformed?  I've prayed for iffy things before, like patience.  I jokingly used to tell my teens that when I prayed for patience, I was hired as a youth ministry coordinator, so that I could cultivate the virtue.  Joke or not, I find that we should be careful what we pray for, because, as Teresa mentions, prayer changes us.

I ended up in my job now because of prayer.  I'm working here and here and several other places.  What's interesting, is that my life as a little friend for peace has developed in ways I never foresaw.  My income is in a precarious situation.  And yet, Dorothy Day talks about how true poverty, true solidarity with the poor is couched in precarity and risk. 

So far, I've chosen, with my free will, to live in a way that is environmentally sound (as much as possible) by purchasing locally, recycling, watching waste, unplugging appliances, etc.  Still though, my life has had a certain sense of stability, of security.  As an employee of the Catholic Church, I wasn't necessarily paid high wages, but I did have job security.  And I had health benefits.  I knew that I could count on a set income every month and could budget accordingly, albeit tightly.

The difference now, is that I have no idea what my income will be.  This forces me to live in a precarious situation.  Still though, it is a precariousness that I can afford to embrace.  If I were responsible for a family, it would not be the same.  I only have my own life that I'm putting on the line, not others'.

Yesterday I was at Perry School and worked with some of the kids in the peace room.  It was wonderful to see some of them again (Omar, Jordan), and great to meet new ones I hadn't yet encountered (Albert, James).  We had two great helpers-- Becky (an intern) and Kwacu (spelling?).  Kwacu is here, from Ghana, where he had worked with street kids to teach drumming.  We did peace drums with the kids and it was so good for these 7 and 8 year old boys to have a young man there, working with them, enabling them to beat on the jambe.  It was beautiful.

Today, I encountered peacemaking at work, where my co-workers so vividly showed me what it was like to be Christ to others.  The kindness and gentleness and passion of our conversations just continues to make my day a joyful day, even amidst the chaos of hurting eyes and headaches.

Struggles today in being a peacemaker-- speaking with people in a short sort of way, especially those closest to me.  Sometimes, well, for me, often, it's most difficult to live peacefully with those we love and know the most.  Kinda like Jesus in his hometown, but reversed.

I also recognized that there are some people in my life where I'm really struggling to see God's presence in them. It's 'easy' for me to imagine that I can love them or see their dignity, but it is much more challenging to see that they, too, in their lives, image Christ.  This is especially hard with people where our encounters have been heated, charged, or have excess negative baggage.  I think that when those relationships in our life are in order, we will find that we, as a community, are moving closer to a more peace-filled world.