In the moment, what will you decide?

Metro is a funny thing. Well, really, any public transportation is funny.  My particular mode, happens to be the subway a la metro.  Today I was heading home early from work at FAN so that I could teach a Mad Science class.  On the phone with a friend, I saw a former colleague on the platform.  I knew that we were both going to the same place.  We acknowledged each other by waving, and then continued back in our own worlds-- me on the phone, my colleague, I wasn't sure. 

I knew that I wasn't very excited about the encounter, and my own prejudices shone, as I figured that my colleague didn't want to really interact with me anyways.  Metro trip begins, we're on the same train, and I'm still on the phone.  I see my colleague's head at the other end of our car.  I lose reception as I go into a tunnel, and my call drops. In that moment, I struggled.  I struggled with whether or not I should go and say hello.  Nobody would know, except for me and my colleague.  So why bother? I debated.  And then I realized, that I needed to go say hello.  Because if I didn't, what did all of my relationship building from before mean? Why bother, if I weren't going to follow through. 

As I was walking to work today, I thought about where I am donating my money this month.  And as I thought about it, and where I was going to find that money, I realized that it's much more of a sacrifice when it doesn't come from my excess, from my abundance.  Somehow, it means more when I have to give something else up-- maybe even something necessary.  Perhaps it means that I eat out less this month (ie not at all).  Maybe it's a choice to not go to the movies.  Or to drive less, so that I'm not spending the gas money.  It changes the experience, so that it is one of solidarity with those who have less. 


So what? How are the two connected?

Well.  I think that both involve sacrifice.  It is more of a sacrifice for me to say hello to someone when I don't have to.  Okay, it's not a huge sacrifice, but it was a challenge for me.  I think, truly, that those moments of struggle were much larger steps towards being a peacemaker than the moments that happen while I'm at Little Friends for Peace.  And, the moments where it's actually a challenge to give to others, stretches me more than giving from money that I could do without. 


More thoughts, but I'm off to tutor.  Maybe I'll post twice in a night! If not, catch you all tomorrow.

Life in a War Zone

When you're living in a war zone, you don't have time to think about the people who have died or your family that you have lost.  Your thoughts revolve around survival.  Finding food. Making it to the next day without being wounded or losing a limb.  Trying to ensure the safety of those still left.  It's only after you leave the zone that you have time to process, to mourn, to release everything.

Yesterday I spent time with the Peace Club kids at Mt. Rainier.  MJ and Becky worked with neighborhood kids to teach them peace skills.  What was fascinating, was how different and yet similar these youth were to the kids from the Sursum Corda neighborhood.  Same age. Same genders.  Both groups love to be silly and loud and exert their energy.  And differences.  Demographic differences such as ethnicity, income, home situation.  But deeper differences, too (not to downplay the other ones).  Differences like, the fact that many of the SC kids live, essentially, in a war zone.  Their lives are on the edge and the concerns of the adults center around things such as finding enough food, having school supplies, making sure that their kids aren't shot, tracking down the necessary health care.  We're talking basics, folks.  And the other kids (who, to be fair, I've only spent 1 hour with) come from 2 parent homes, where they play instruments and have the private music lessons that accompany that. The parents are the earthy-crunchy type, and they live simply, because they can afford to and choose to live simply.

I'm not downplaying the choices of the families with the means to live simply.  Bravo, for modeling a simple lifestyle for your children, for teaching them peacemaking skills at such a young age, for instilling a care for creation and the environment.  But it is not the same as living in a war zone.

We all have our own versions of war zones, and I've recently calmed my life in such a way that I am out of the war zones.  I realized tonight, that once removed, I could mourn.  I could mourn my grandpa's death-- and find that I mourn it almost daily now.  I could mourn the loss of working with my kids at my old job.  I could mourn many other things and work on moving forward.  I could choose to work here and help effect systemic change.  I could choose to live precariously, to struggle with compassion, (feeling with) and to try to build community.

But I couldn't do it while I was still in a war zone.  Peacemaking was much easier to continue to engage in, from outside the chaos, the survival mode, the insanity of the insecurity.

Living in a peaceful way in our world

I just found this website and it offers lots of ways to live in a way that is peace-filled.  It has a lot of great options.  I really liked the make your own laundry detergent one. :D

peacemaker?

Today was a day of peacemaking on many levels.

Story 1:  While walking from the Metro to my office, complete with coffee in hand and Ipod buds in ear, I encountered a man (homeless?) on the sidewalk.  We made eye contact, I smiled, and then he spoke.  To hear him, I removed my buds to "Do you have any change?" Today, I did, and so I smiled, (because usually I only carry my ATM card) and began to dig through my tote bag. While he waited, I pulled out strawberries from my lunch and gave them to him.  Now, digging through my tote bag is no easy task, as anyone who knows me will testify.

"I only have a quarter, but I actually do have change today!" I told the man, as I continued to move power cords, books, notebooks, pens, makeup, a toilet plunger (not really, but were you actually reading?)-- all to find one quarter. Crouched on the sidewalk, with the innards of my tote strewn about me, I paused when the man asked "Hey, will you need this quarter later today?"  He was concerned that I might need 25 cents more than he could need it.  Humbled.  That's the only word for how I felt.  With my Ipod and espresso, my sweater and my sandals, my Mac laptop and my crap (really)filled totebag, I might need 25 cents more than this homeless (or impoverished) man did.  Wow.  That's giving.  I finally found the quarter and gave it to him.  As I walked off, he asked, stepping closer "Hey, could I have your phone", and reached his hand out.  He stepped closer and I backed up, saying "No, it's for work." I smiled, but inside thought "Are you crazy?!"  He smiled and said, "Nah, I'm just messin' with ya."
I had two thoughts:

1) How quickly and easily I give food, time, smiles, money.  How less inclined I am to give my things. 
 2)  Back to that quarter issue.  He taught me generosity in that moment.

This man, was a peacemaker for me, today.

I don't want to run on tonight, so I'll just mention two other short things.

First-- I actually later that day needed the 25 cents to get out of the metro (I didn't have enough on my fare card).  Crazy, right?

Second-- This precariousness is challenging.  Mostly, because income necessitates lots of jobs right now for me.  Lots of piecing together.  Seemingly unlimited time is spent working.  This equals exhaustion.  And I remember, in this exhaustion, that the working poor are always tired. I hope I can be cheerful and joy-filled in my exhaustion and remember that it is part of my solidarity with them.  An added "bonus" that I didn't expect when I signed up for this experiment.

Signing off for the night to try and get a few extra hours of shut-eye.

"Authentic Prayer Changes Us" -- St. Teresa of Avila

Last night at my first JustFaith meeting, the opening prayer included the title quote from St. Teresa of Avila.  What struck me about it, is how true that is.  And how the question following it, "Do you really wish to be turned into fire" is at the crux of the dilemma of the good life.

Do I truly want to be burned and melted and transformed?  I've prayed for iffy things before, like patience.  I jokingly used to tell my teens that when I prayed for patience, I was hired as a youth ministry coordinator, so that I could cultivate the virtue.  Joke or not, I find that we should be careful what we pray for, because, as Teresa mentions, prayer changes us.

I ended up in my job now because of prayer.  I'm working here and here and several other places.  What's interesting, is that my life as a little friend for peace has developed in ways I never foresaw.  My income is in a precarious situation.  And yet, Dorothy Day talks about how true poverty, true solidarity with the poor is couched in precarity and risk. 

So far, I've chosen, with my free will, to live in a way that is environmentally sound (as much as possible) by purchasing locally, recycling, watching waste, unplugging appliances, etc.  Still though, my life has had a certain sense of stability, of security.  As an employee of the Catholic Church, I wasn't necessarily paid high wages, but I did have job security.  And I had health benefits.  I knew that I could count on a set income every month and could budget accordingly, albeit tightly.

The difference now, is that I have no idea what my income will be.  This forces me to live in a precarious situation.  Still though, it is a precariousness that I can afford to embrace.  If I were responsible for a family, it would not be the same.  I only have my own life that I'm putting on the line, not others'.

Yesterday I was at Perry School and worked with some of the kids in the peace room.  It was wonderful to see some of them again (Omar, Jordan), and great to meet new ones I hadn't yet encountered (Albert, James).  We had two great helpers-- Becky (an intern) and Kwacu (spelling?).  Kwacu is here, from Ghana, where he had worked with street kids to teach drumming.  We did peace drums with the kids and it was so good for these 7 and 8 year old boys to have a young man there, working with them, enabling them to beat on the jambe.  It was beautiful.

Today, I encountered peacemaking at work, where my co-workers so vividly showed me what it was like to be Christ to others.  The kindness and gentleness and passion of our conversations just continues to make my day a joyful day, even amidst the chaos of hurting eyes and headaches.

Struggles today in being a peacemaker-- speaking with people in a short sort of way, especially those closest to me.  Sometimes, well, for me, often, it's most difficult to live peacefully with those we love and know the most.  Kinda like Jesus in his hometown, but reversed.

I also recognized that there are some people in my life where I'm really struggling to see God's presence in them. It's 'easy' for me to imagine that I can love them or see their dignity, but it is much more challenging to see that they, too, in their lives, image Christ.  This is especially hard with people where our encounters have been heated, charged, or have excess negative baggage.  I think that when those relationships in our life are in order, we will find that we, as a community, are moving closer to a more peace-filled world.

Week 1

Well, my first week working for the Franciscan Action Network is over and it was a mouthful of a week.  As a little friend for peace, I'm trying to live peacefully in all walks of my life.  For me, this means that I need a few hours in the morning to get up and face the day.  Now, it's not that I'm not a morning person, it just is that I take a while to get going in a peaceful manner.  If I had to, I could be up and out in 20 minutes, but I'd be rushed and scattered a bit.  I much prefer waking up at 7, as the light streams in the window, and then sitting with coffee and morning quiet until I have to leave for work at 9:15 or 9:30 to catch the metro downtown.
Things I really like about my job:
1) Metro-accessible! I'm so excited that I can take public transportation and reduce my carbon footprint
2) The people I work with! Everyone in the office is excited about the public advocacy and action alerts that we do.  Since we're Franciscan-based, our foci are: immigration, environment, health care and peacemaking.  I see how my coworkers, at least in the office, really live what we're fighting for.

I think the hardest thing about peacemaking for me though, is when I run into people who are fighting strongly for things that seem to be opposite to what matters to me.  I don't have an easy time understanding greed or seeing how people could not care for the poor and disenfranchised.


Tomorrow I start a class called JustFaith which is supposed to further expose us to Catholic Social Teaching. I'm excited for it and for what I might learn in addition to what I already know.

Tomorrow also starts week 2 of peacemaking as a living.  Let's see how it goes. :)  I'm not sure how much I'll be able to post, but my goal is to track things at least 2x a week.  I want to talk about peacemakers that I meet as well-- both in work and in books.  So, I'll try to feature some of them.